Giving Away My Age

A funny thing happened at the prison today!

I was showing the inmates how I arrange my hijab.

So, I unpinned it and explained that I fold it into a triangle and then fasten it under my chin with a safety pin.

I said, “You know, pin it from underneath, like you do with a diaper.”

A roar of laughter rose up as the inmates reminded me that they use Pampers these days

My Twin Soul

Oh my goodness!  Here’s a Muslim chaplain like me:  he has a Jewish father and a Christian mother!

MUSLIM CHAPLAIN TRAVELS PATH OF COMPASSION

Nur Tiven: Pastoral care intern at Albany Medical Center Hospital Background: 30, born and raised in the Berkshires. Studied divinity at Suluk Academy, New Lebanon, with focus on Islam and interfaith. Lives in Albany. What is your religious background? I wasn’t raised overtly religious. My mother was Christian and my father Jewish. I converted to Islam in my early 20s. What drew you to chaplaincy? I had a longing to be of service to humanity so we are not doing things just for ourselves. The goal is to be a servant of God and serve whatever need presents itself ­— the poor, the sick. Previously, I had been doing a “bouquet of things” — teaching as a youth mentor, artist, musician. The longing to focus welled up in me. Chaplaincy has become my vocation. Read the rest here:

The Prophet’s Methods of Correcting People’s Mistakes

One of the most important duties of a Muslim prison chaplain is to correct mistakes.

Many Muslims in prison have re-verted to Islam while incarcerated.  Just because they say the Shahadah doesn’t mean that they are automatically a pious Muslim!  They lack basic knowledge and information about Islam.  They depend upon the Muslim chaplain to provide them with correct Islamic knowledge.  Often they make mistakes because they act upon information they have been given by other inmates, incorrect information, although it may have been given with sincere intention.  After all, if one is taught incorrectly, they will teach others incorrectly. 

Yet other inmates may have been Muslims on the “streets” but may not have been “deening” out there as they call it.

To be an effective amirah (leader), a Muslim prison chaplain must develop effective methods for correcting mistakes that do not compromise the already fragile ego of most inmates.  One of the most important goals of the Muslim prison chaplain is to help and educate the incarcerated Muslim.  Not to destroy or shame her.

Who better to look to for examples, no matter what the situation, than our beloved Messenger (saw)!

Sh. Muhammad Salih Al-Munajjid, may Allah (swt) reward him, has written as excellent book that will help the Muslim prison chaplain.  The title is The Prophet’s Methods for Correcting People’s Mistakes.

In this post, I will highlight the methods that the sheikh has compiled. 

1.  Hastening to deal with people’s mistakes and not putting that off.

2.  Dealing with mistakes by explaining the ruling (hukm).

3.  Referring people back to Islam when they make mistakes, and pointing out to them the principle that they are breaking.

4.  Correcting misconceptions that are due to something for being clear in people’s minds.

5.  Dealing with mistakes by repeatedly reminding people to fear Allah.

6.  Showing compassion to the one who is making a mistake.

7.  Not hastening to tell someone he is wrong.

8.  Remaining calm when dealing with people’s mistakes.

9.  Explaining the seriousness of the mistake.

10.  Explaining the harmful effects of a mistake.

11.  Practical teaching of the one who is making a mistake.

12.  Offering a sound alternative.

13.  Guiding people to what will prevent them from making mistakes.

14.  Not confronting people directly with their mistakes and addressing the issue in general terms may be sufficient.

15.  Provoking public opinion against the one who has made the mistake.

16.  Avoiding helping the Shaytan against the one who is making the mistake.

17.  Asking the person to stop doing the wrong action.

18.  Explaining to the person who is making a mistake how to put things right.

19.  Denouncing only the mistake whilst accepting the rest.

20.  Restoring rights and preserving positions.

21.  Addressing both parties in cases where the blame is shared.

22.  Asking a person to forgive the one who wronged him.

23.  Reminding a person of he good qualities of the one whom he has wronged, so that he will regret what he has done and will apologize.

24.  Intervening to calm people down and put an end to the fitnah (discord) between those who are making mistakes.

25.  Showing one’s anger about a mistake.

26.  Turning away from the one who has made a mistake and avoiding argument with him, in the hope that he may come back to the right way.

27.  Rebuking the one who has made a mistake.

28.  Blaming the person who has made a mistake.

29.  Shunning the one who has made a mistake.

30.  Boycotting the one who has made a mistake.

31.  Praying against someone who stubbornly persists in making mistakes.

32.  Turning a blind eye to some mistakes and being content to just hint about them, out of respect to the person who is making the mistake.

33.  Helping a Muslim to correct his mistake.

34.  Meeting with the person who has made a mistake to talk it over.

35.  Speaking bluntly to a person about the mistake he made.

36.  Persuading a person that he is making a mistake.

37.  Making a person understand that his flimsy excuse is not acceptable.

38.  Paying attention to things that are inherent in human nature.

Among the sheikh’s conclusion is that ”correcting mistakes is obligatory … part an-naseehah (giving sincere advice) and forbidding what it evil, but it should be remembered that Islam is not only about forbidding what is evil, we are also commanded to enjoin what is good.”  He also said that along with educating and training, we must show “the basic principles of religion and the rules of sharee’ah” using various methods.  The Prophet (saw) used different methods for correcting mistakes depending upon the situation and depending upon the person he was dealing with.

I have found that using the Prophet’s (saw) methods in dealing with people helps.  After all, everyone, including the Muslim chaplain, benefits when all the affairs are conducted according to Quran and Sunnah.

Allah Is The Best of Planners

Oh my goodness!  Looking at this blog, I realize that it has been a year since I’ve written anything here.  Times flies.  I can hardly believe that I have been a Muslim chaplain for a year already.

I have learned so much in this past year.  And I think that’s why I haven’t posted here.  As a rookie chaplain, I have been real busy trying to process all the information I am learning.  Suffice it to say that I “hit the ground running” when I firsted started in this ministry.  A year later, I am reminded of how it started.

I have worked in Corrections for many years. 

I started my career in the last year of college by doing an internship in a county prison.  I was exposed to every aspect of county corrections, including the work release program.

Upon graduation from college, I was hired as a Resident Supervisor (fancy word for corrections officer) in the work release facility.  After a few years, I resigned from the county prison to enter the substance abuse field (AOD) as a counselor. 

As my AOD career advanced, I found myself applying to Civil Service in order to secure a counselor position in the state prison system.  I was hired in1998 at a maximum security state correctional institution for women.  After two years, I transferred to a maximum security prison for men.  I worked there for a few years, helping inmates to buy into the fact that substance abuse was the main factor in all their legal and major life area problems.

When my supervisor retired, I was appointed “acting” manager.  It was a dream come true!  I was sure I was on the fast track to career advancement. 

Why?

I was the third woman that I know of in my facility to work as a manager.  At that time, there weren’t many female managers in men’s correctional facilities.  The other two women were minorities and then there was me:  hijab-wearing Muslimah!  Although diversity is a plus when it comes to government positions, I was well qualified.  I felt it was “my time”.  I was glad that I had shared an office with the manager who retired.  It had given me the opportunity to observe him and learn how most things were done.

The challenges were incredible enough, but dealing with some of the staff was the most difficult.  In no time, the false accusations against me came fast and hard;  “fact-findings” and “pre-disciplinary conferences” became a regular occurrence.  Much of what I was accused of centered around the religion of Islam, and accusations of favoritism (fraternization) toward Muslim and African-American inmates.  Suffice it to say that I was not promoted to the permanent position of manager.  So, I made a decision to return to the female facility and resumed my work as a substance abuse counselor.   

But I was bitter and resentful.  I felt that I had been abused and oppressed, dealt with unjustly.  My reputation and integrity were torned to shreds.  I didn’t understand it.  I held myself emotional hostage.  I couldn’t work through it.  I wouldn’t work through it.  I had difficulty letting it go.  I couldn’t find a way to forgive myself.  I tortured myself trying to figure out what I did wrong, why they didn’t promote me.  Why they had falsely attacked me.  What was Allah’s plan for me?

From her grave (so to speak, not literally), my mother’s voice reminded me that I was a fake and a failure. 

I talked about it to anyone who would listen.  I sought sympathy with close colleagues who I was sure saw it my way.

Then my health started to fail in a major way which forced me to focus on retirement. 

“Oh, this must be Allah’s plan for me,” I said to myself.

I resigned myself to finishing out the year in the AOD Department.  While there, I was assigned an inmate Peer Assistant who worked with me doing my groups and helping me with my caseload.  She and I were practically attached to the hip for eight hours a day.  Knowing her had a significant impact on my life. 

She also “was” a Muslim.  She came to Islam in prison, but left the deen …

Knowing her changed my perspective of inmates, of the people I was working with and who I was charged with helping -  knowing her blessed me in a huge way.  She gave me a deeper understanding that I could have gotten on my own. 

As a counselor and as a manager, I had limited exposure to inmates.  An hour in group, 15 minutes in a disciplinary hearing, 5 minutes in my office to answer a question …

While I was counting down the days until retirement, our Muslim chaplain was making the difficult decision not to renew her contract so that she could push forward with completing her education.  Her position was for one day a week, on Fridays.  One day a week, a perfect retirement gig!  I applied and got the job.  Alhamdulillah!  How things turned out for me!

I didn’t understand it at the time, but Allah (swt) had plans for me, for the talents and gifts that He bestowed on me.  He didn’t inscribe for me to be a manager.  He wanted me to be a Muslim chaplain!  I am reminded of what Allah (swt) told us: 

“Yet it may be that you hate a thing, while it is good for you.  And it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you.  Yet Allah knows (what is most beneficial for you).”  (2:216)

I hated that I didn’t get the promotion to manager.  Looking back, I know it would truly have been an evil for me.  Allah (swt) knew what was beneficial for me and for other Muslims though!  He wanted me to serve as a Muslim chaplain!  Alhamdulillah!

Attendance and Participation – Islamic Classes

 

I came on board as the Muslim chaplain of my facility in December.  It was crazy at first, learning the new job, getting settled into the routine of the Chapel, etc.  And then there was Eid-Al-Adha. 

So it took me a minute to get the schedules together for the new classes.  Finally the day came to start.  I was so excited and full of hope!  The new Shahadah class in the morning went real well:  15 sisters signed up.  Alhamdulilah!  The next activity for the day would be Jumuah and Tahleem directly after.

The usual 30-40 sisters came for Jumuah, and then a STRANGE thing happened:  everyone left before the Tahleem started, except for 3 sisters. 

I was like “What?  Where’s everyone going?”   

The sisters all had told me that they were excited to start and participate in all the new classes.  They kept bugging me about the call out (movement line for activities) not being up (everything moves slowly in prison and takes time).  So the call out finally went out, and then when the time came for the class, practically everyone took off.

Now:  remember what I said about my agenda not necessarily being their agenda

My agenda was to present the material in an orderly fashion, week after week, one class building on the other.  But the sisters had other ideas.

A similar thing happened during the month of Ramadhan.  About 75 sisters signed up for the nightly iftaar.  The Chapel was filled, Alhamdulillah, for the Eid prayer.  Then after Eid, Jumuah dropped down to 30-40 participants. 

Not unlike the Muslim community in the “free world” eh?!

Why do some women in prison say that they want programs, but not participate on a consistent basis?

Why are they so excited initially, and where does the motivation go?

Why do they participate for awhile and then fall back?

Novelist Wally Lamb, who runs writing workshops for inmates at the Janet S. York Correctional Institution for women, wrote in the February 2008 (p. 164) issue of O (The Oprah Magazine):

“With pen in hand, an inmate may, for example, begin to explore the connection between the incest she endured as a young girl and her subsequent drug addiction.  She may discover a link between her embezzlement conviction and her lifelong inability to please an emotionally distant mother.  Along with that growing clarity, she will confront anger, shame, grief, and the need to stop making excuses and take responsibility.  Doing so will lessen her heartache and promote her recovery if she stays with it, but she may surrender to the pain before she gets to experience the gain.  She may become too busy, too tired, too headachy, too blue to come to class.  Before long, her seat will go to the next woman on the waiting list.  Addicts are particularly vulnerable to cold feet when truth telling begins to overpower manipulation and self-deception.” 

Could this be what is going on with the sisters?  Are they surrendering to the pain before experiencing the gain?

Could the shame (pain) be keeping them back from truly turning to Allah (swt) for comfort and forgiveness (gain)?

Do they know how much Allah (swt) loves them and wants to forgive them?  He (swt) tells us: 

Hadith – Qudsi 34

“O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it.”

The Shaikh, The ‘Allaamah Ahmad ibn Muhammad ad-Dehlawee al-Madanee (May Allah (swt) Mercy be upon him), wrote in his book, A History of the Ahlul-Hadeeth:  A Study of the Saved Sect and that it is the People of Hadeeth (Salafi Publications) wrote:

“he (saw) migrated from Makkah to al-Madennah, the Companions (ra) used to gather around him (saw), some of them used to come to him at certain times and others could not.  This was because of the lack of time due to having to earn their livelihoods, their having a small amount of provision, travelling for battles, some of them were doing business in the market and some of them were involved in farming.  They used to sit with him for part of the day and some of them would attend at night. 

And there was also a group from them who would attend whenever they could find some spare time from seeking their sustenance and other things.  Others would be on journeys and from amongst them would be a group who were involved in battles… 

The Companions (ra) used to be of different grades in gaining knowledge from the Prophet (saw), some more than others …”

Alhamdulillah!  Who am I to complain about attendance and participation?  When the Prophet (saw) himself did not have a full audience at all times! 

Ya Sabur!  Grant me the patience to understand the spiritual jihad of my sisters.  Let me share with them as they seek me out.  In Your time, not mine!  Make our classes a place where they may realize Your love and mercy/Ameen! 

Jazaka Allahu Khayr Chaplain Abdur-Rahman for reminding me of:

My Lord, expand for me my breast, and ease for me my task, and untie the knot from my tongue’ (Surah Taha 20:25-27) 

 

Amir-ah

“… since you’re our Amirah now,” an inmate said to me.

I cannot tell you what a humbling and frightening thing it is for someone to regard ME as their Amirah. 

According to Wikipedia, the word “amir” or “emir” has numerous meanings.  The original meaning was used to mean ”commander” or ”leader”.  It is also used as a title for religious leaders, without political power.  ”The word Emir is also used less formally for leaders in certain contexts, for example the leader of a group of pilgrims to Mecca is called an emir hadji…” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amir.  

Amirah is also a female Arabic name, meaning princess or leader http://www.ummah.net/family/fem.html

As a female Muslim chaplain, I am the amirah of our Muslim community.  It is an awesome responsibility.  Some of what I do:

- New Shahadah class

- Lead Salat

- Teach standardized class about Islam developed by the Federal Bureau of Prisons imams.

- Tahleem/halaqa

- Visit Muslimahs who have restricted movement, i.e., are not in general population and therefore, cannot come to the prison chapel, i.e., those in the prison infirmary, prison mental health unit, disciplinary housing unit (“the hole”), special management unit, capital cases unit (“death row” yes, we have had Muslimahs on death row).

- Individual counseling

- Correct beliefs and practices, implementing the Noble Qur’an and the Prophet’s (saw) authentic Sunnah in accordance with the understanding and practice of the righteous salaf.

- Obtain Qur’ans, literature, etc.

- Advocate for Muslims and Islamic programs with prison administration, provide input into development of policy

- Coordinate religious activities, Ramadhan, Iftaar, Eid, etc.

- Develop positive relationships and act as resource for inmates with Islamic communities on the “outside”

That is my basic responsibility for the Muslim population.  Some of what I would like to do in the future, Insha Allah:

- Expand Muslim volunteer list

- Recruit a special volunteer to teach basic Arabic

- Develop a Pen Pal program for incarcerated Muslimahs to reach out and write to Muslimahs in the community, get support and encouragement, and have additional resource to the deen. 

- Invite inspirational speakers

However, I am more than an amirah. 

I am a Muslim chaplain.  What is a Muslim chaplain?  Insha Allah I will write about it in my next post.